"Don't care what people say, Just follow your own way" -Enigma

I experienced something today that makes a good follow-up to the blog I posted yesterday. Before I get into that, I did have some more to add. I spoke on the phone last night to a very special friend for quite a long time. In addition to catching up on life we further discussed what I had written in my blog, which was actually quite helpful. She reminded me of some things from my past that I had not consciously thought of in awhile and when I was reminded of them it showed me how far I have come to be where I am now. I also received an email from another very special friend who said something that really summed up my blog. She was talking about pace. And that's a very good word for it. While my pursuit of my career is moving at my pace, my love life is not. This is not my pace. This is his pace. And like her, I don't like having no control over whether or not my dream comes true at my pace. (You do have control, you don't have to stay in the relationship if it isn't giving you what you wanted). No, I don't but I want to b/c it is the dream I want no matter what the outcome may bring. (Well,you just decided what you wanted so be patient). I have been patient....for a matter of years. (Then be patient a little longer). AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
In other news, I did have an interesting phone conversation last night, metaphorically speaking. Engagement vs marriage was compared to knowing you will be paid at the end of the month and the end of the month actually arriving and you getting paid. Apparently it is the same as knowing that something will happen because you have your boss' word that you will be paid. Which was likened to engagement and marriage in that being engaged is having someone's word that they want to be with you for life and spend their life with you and marriage (like payday) is the end result of knowing that it will happen. It was all very interesting to me b/c it was saying the same thing in 2 different ways. It ended up being said that it was about getting the ball rolling....which was all I was saying in the first place...let's get the ball rolling and know that payday is coming...b/c of having someone's word (i.e. committment of engagement ring).

Okay, now finally to the follow up. This morning I was listening to Enigma's Return to Innocence and very much relating to the lyrics. At which time I remembered a suggestion I had received to look at something called The Interview with God. If you've never seen it, I highly recommend it! www.theinterviewwithgod.com The images and words are equally powerful and got me to thinking more. I wake up each morning to the beauty of mountains. Majestic views, really. In fact, I often think of trying to capture the view when we are out walking but the camera can't ever capture it correctly. It will just have to be one of those images I forever keep in my mind. It's hard to describe, but it's like seeing your own little world. Anyway, I wrote up the quotes from the Interview that really pertained to my own life and would like to share and discuss them.

In the interview, God was asked what was most surprising about humankind. Here are the answers (quotes) that pertain to yesterday's blog:

"That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future."
How true is that for me!!! Wow, I actually teared up reading it. I've been so anxious and worried about the future that I haven't been living in the present or the future...I've been in limbo somewhere in between.



"To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved. “
I think this lesson is a powerful one for any person. I think that letting yourself be loved can be one of the hardest and most rewarding thing you can do. It goes well with the next quote, which is, "To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings."
Everyone shows love in different ways. And perhaps that is what is most frustrating for me at this point in my life b/c my expression of love is not the same as his or he just doesn't know yet how to show and express them publicly.




"To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others."
WOW! Wow-e-wow-wow. HELLO! Do I even need to explain this one? To quote my previous blog, I keep hearing of people I went to high school with who are getting married or recently engaged to be married in a few years. I want the latter of the two.
Where I am in my life is different from anyone elses.



"To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.”
This quote is true of many things and another really good realization to have. As it pertains to my blog yesterday, we definitely see marriage in a different light. And as I was told last night in the paycheck analogy, men don't see things the same way as women.



What did I learn from watching the Interview with God? I learned to slow down and enjoy my majestic mountain mornings while I have them...stop and smell the roses, if you will. Or listen to the bird that has been chirping outside 2 days in a row now. I am still anxiously awaiting the future, but I don't want to be stuck in limbo. And not to get all religious on you, but maybe it's neither of our paces...maybe it's the pace of the Divine. Maybe I am exactly where I am supposed to be(which insofar as this program goes I know I am). Maybe there are greater things planned for me than settling down with someone like my friends are doing. But it still feels like it's moving at his pace.


Now, I seriously need to get moving on finishing my assignments that have to be turned in tomorrow.