Gone, but not forgotten

I haven't written anything in months b/c my cat died in October. In actuality, she was killed by something- necropsy suggested it to be a car. Needless to say, I haven't felt much like blogging. There is a hole in me now where she was. I actually feel a hole and emptiness in my chest if I think of her or remember that she is gone. It was easier to somewhat distance myself when I was at school, but being home for the holidays is particularly hard. I keep thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye, mostly at night, darting by me. I have had dreams about her. I have seen other cats that, for an instant, looked like her. But none of them are her. And even if I had another gray nosed, gray kitty, it would never be her. If I think about it too long it makes me sick and wonder what I will do without her. I just see her lying dead under the steps, that look in her eyes and feel sick that I was not there.

So that is why I have not felt like blogging.

In good news, I earned all A's this semester and passed the specialty PRAXIS test that is required in some states for the occupation I am planning to pursue once I have my master's degree. I walk in graduation in May but won't be officially finished until the end of July. But I won't be coming home to my cat b/c she is gone. I hope that she is resting in peace, knows how much I love her and miss her and that she did not suffer. I also really hope whoever was responsible knows that they are.